My Secret Heartbreak Affair

What used to be my pride and joy has withered away. I’m determined to rekindle what we had.

I used to love you before you become a chore. I used to love you before the world told me I had to love you, before I married my life to you.

I used to proudly declare I loved you far and wide, and now I cannot even tend your garden nor water you with attention.

I used to love you viciously before the pressure crept in. I used to love you deeply when no one was looking, stealing me at all hours of the night and allowing me to ebb and flow, before the sun gave us away.

You were my rock, my anchor. You were my everything. When I first found you, I broke down completely.

It was as if I had been waiting for you for forever.

I used to give myself completely to you. Every time we interacted, I would lose control. I would cry, weep all over my face. Tears rolled down my cheeks hot and heavy, as I tried to keep it together in public.

Yeah, we even did it in public.

But it wasn’t. That was just six or so months ago. What happened? What changed?

Why did our love go from passionate and hot with meaning, to just ice cold nothing?

I feel like something died inside of me. There was a layer of external pressure added onto you, and that ruined it for me. I didn’t get bored, baby. I just stopped trying.

I couldn’t communicate with you any longer. What was my release became my anxiety. You started giving me anxiety because I couldn’t give you what you needed, what I needed.

I reflect on our relationship. It’s been long and hard. It’s been emotional, soul-sucking, rejuvenating, scary, and honestly just so damn ambiguous. I want to treat you better.

You’ve helped me through so much, and listened to me more than anyone else has.

Instead of overthinking it babe, I’m going to run into your arms again. Just like I used to.

I promise I will never forget about you, abandon you, nor blame you for my messes ever again. I promise.

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