A Reminder to be Kind to Yourself

The day felt long. I had plopped down on the couch, who knows how long ago, and found myself scrolling mindlessly on my phone to see the new coronavirus memes the world had come up with. My Fitbit buzzed on my wrist. It was reminding me that I had failed, yet again, to meet my step goal for the hour. I sighed as I tapped the enthusiastic icon on my watch, having zero intention to even attempt squeezing 200 steps within the next ten minutes. I looked at the time and found it hard to believe that it was already ten of the hour. Have I really been sitting here that long? I thought to myself as I blinked my eyes hard a few times and did a couple head rolls to ease the stiffness in my neck. I find myself having to release that tension more often now than I’d like to admit.

I looked around at my now dimly lit apartment, quietly hating the fact that my eyes had been glued to my screen for so long that I failed to notice the fading of daylight. I always hated that time of the day, when the setting sun was no longer bright enough, requiring you to switch on a lamp or two. As I continued to sit, allowing the scene of my studio to slowly fade to black, I found myself overwhelmed with frustration. I felt a layer of guilt bubble up inside me, You should be writing, or working out, or at least doing something more productive than getting sucked down the rabbit hole of Facebook and Instagram. You’re better than that! A fact I couldn’t argue with. I had gone on my phone initially to check my email. But, one thing led to another and… well, here we were.

I pulled myself up off the couch. Unmotivated, and now full of guilt that I had “wasted” several hours, I found myself unsure of what productive task I needed to throw myself into. I knew I needed to make-up for the lost time ASAP, but found myself in too much of a head whirlwind to even get my thoughts straight. What did I want to do? What did I even need to do? Recognizing what kind of havoc this seemingly insignificant moment had the potential of reeking on my self worth, I put my hands out in front of me, signaling myself to stop. I took a deep breath. I then asked myself, “Jasmine, what’s the next right thing you need to do right now?”

It’s a weird thing to ask yourself, but it’s actually a really good question. I know it’s saved me from several fits of anxiety and frustration directed at myself. All it does is allow me to take those initial smaller steps to where I’m trying to go, as opposed to trying to conquer an entire mountain in one leap. And this isn’t something that’s pandemic induced. I face moments like this all the time.

If you didn’t already know, I’m a planner. Like, hardcore. I like to keep my agenda filled to the brim. From necessary chores and tasks to even lighter, self-care type things, I jot it all down on my “to-do” list. There’s nothing that brings me more joy than organizing my day and making lists. I like to be productive. I like seeing progress in the things I’ve accomplished. Most days, things pan out exactly how I plan it. Other days, not so much. And it’s on those “not so much” days that I have to work a little extra to show myself love and kindness.

Knowing when, or even how, to show myself kindness has been a work in progress. But every day I’m learning. I tend to carry incredibly high expectations for myself in everything I do. I’ve always been that way. But with such high standards comes a ruthless inner-critic that shouts things at me all day long. Telling me that if I’m not doing it bigger or better than anyone else, then there’s no point in doing it at all. Telling me that I’m failing if I’m not, at the very least, keeping up with what other women my age are accomplishing.

I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. But even if your inner-critic isn’t as loud as mine, we all have that voice in our head. And if you say you don’t, you definitely do. You just need to listen harder.

Over the last year I’ve been really focusing on doing more things that feel good, on listening to my body and paying attention to what it actually needs. That would include quieting that voice and not putting myself though intense workouts every day of the week, incorporating more yoga instead of constant weights and cardio. It also means making meals that I actually enjoy that aren’t bland for the sake of cutting calories. And it’s allowing myself those little things like ice cream, or sleeping in when I don’t have work, or just skipping a workout.

In my latest act of kindness to myself, I decided to shut off the reminders to move on my Fitbit. You may wonder why I’m even still wearing it. Well, I continue wearing it because I do still workout from home, and I like to track my heartrate and average daily steps. It’s also, oddly enough, a watch that tells perfectly good time. And I just feel weird if I’m not wearing it. But I do NOT, however, need the buzzing reminders that grab the attention of my inner-critic to yell at me for failing to meet my step goal FOR THE THIRD HOUR IN A ROW. I’m already fully aware that my average steps have gone down drastically as I’ve been in lockdown. But I don’t need that extra negativity in my life right now! K thanks!

I’m fairly certain that we would all benefit from learning to be a little kinder to ourselves. Adulting it hard, guys! It’s certainly hard enough without a pandemic being thrown into the mix. We are all doing the best we can, and that should be celebrated!

It’s okay to feel things, especially in a time like this, even if those feelings are uncertainty. It’s okay to not know how to feel. It’s okay to do nothing, and it’s okay to try to use this time productively. We all handle situations and crises differently. But what’s most important is that we don’t beat ourselves up for wherever we are with that.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned over this time of working to be kinder to myself, it’s this: making myself feel guilty or bad about something does ABSOLUTELY nothing but feed a negative attitude toward myself. It accomplishes nothing. All it does is give me another reason to beat myself up for not doing better. So why bother spending more time making yourself feel worse than you already do? Seriously, we’ve all got to learn to be gentler with ourselves. Myself included 100%!

Why is it that we are so much better at giving encouraging words and being supportive to others, but we can’t seem to do it for ourselves? No, I’m seriously asking. Why is showing kindness to ourselves so difficult? Life is tough enough. We don’t need to be the ones pushing ourselves further into the mud.

Especially in a time like this, an incredibly unique situation that the whole world is facing, there is no right or wrong way to go through this. Whatever form of comfort you choose depends on what you need. Whether you need to pause for a moment and ask yourself what thing you need to do next (which could be as simple as having some water), or have the urge to try all the chocolaty recipes on your Pinterest (which I’ve absolutely been doing), we need to pay attention to what our bodies need right now and listen. It’s okay if you’re sleeping more or if your diet isn’t what it was before all this started. Do what you can while paying attention to the things your body needs. And I’m not just telling you, the reader. I’m reminding myself too, your friendly overachieving perfectionist over here.

This moment of uncertainty is just that, a moment. And I promise you, it will pass.

So, please, be kind to yourself. You are doing the very best you can.

I do hope you found some comfort in this piece. Until next time, my friends.

Thank you so much for reading ❤

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