The Male Closet Is Queerer Than Ever

A couple of weeks ago, on my way home, I saw a young man wearing a jacket. It had a gold chain print, kind of like 90’s Versace. He was coming out of the super market, got on his bike and left. He…

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The Moonlight in My Bed

A humble offering from a heavenly lullaby

Across the splayed chaos of my bed, there came a sliver of moonlight. Peeking out from beneath the blinds, its silvery mysteries appeared upon my sheets. I spread my hand over the mattress until it met this light and looked at how it washed every wrinkle upon it. It was a peaceful moment in an otherwise turbulent night.

Tossing and turning, my attempt at sleep had been a foolish one. The anxious thoughts came with a vengeance, as if they hadn’t gotten enough during the day, and were hungry for more. Filling every potential silence with their thunderous ruminations and bullish worries. If I squeeze my eyes tight enough, I figured, I would get to the land of dreams where they could not find me. That night, I was wrong, rest came only in bursts and not deeply enough.

Flinging my eyes open in misguided defiance I decided I would just be up. If this is what my mind wanted this is what it would get and I would simply reap what I sowed tomorrow as I moved through the day like the least functional zombie there ever was. That’s when the moon decided to intervene.

I caught its radiance from the corner of my eye and watched as it slowly announced itself more and more the higher in the sky it went. A gentle insistence that things are not so bad, and even if they are, the cosmos always has more marvels for me to rediscover my wonder with. I didn’t shoot up out of my bed, lift the blinds and swing the curtains open, I dared not. No need to be greedy, I felt a complacency, a contentment in stillness I had been longing for.

It is so easy to look up at the sky and feel so disconnected from the very celestial bodies that help us sustain life. What’s it doing up there with all its craters and cheese? The way we seek to hold power over things that existed long before we did, the hubris involved in thinking we can do so, but also the allure of it. The frustrations of wanting all of the answers, fade when I found myself in the unexpected light of the moon. I was able to just cherish its brilliance, and bathe in its beauty, thankful for it always stopping by.

Whenever I find the nights hard now, I rest my head upon a pillow and think of my own, modest lunar landing. I take solace in knowing my hand is just one move away from being within its luminescence once more, and then I sleep.

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